I am in dire need of a new swimsuit.

My last one was bought in a fit of panic a few years back and is not only boring, but also not a great fit. I’m not a gym bunny, and neither am I planning any exciting holidays, but it would be nice to think that if I were to suddenly receive an invitation to go and drink champagne in a hot tub I’d have something suitable to fling in my bag as I ran out of the door.

In years gone by I’ve spent ages examining those “fix your figure flaws with swimwear” articles and I’m not going to write one of those. Personally I’m firmly of the belief that once you get down to what, essentially, is your pants, no amount of careful selection of bold floral prints and plunging necklines is going to convince anyone of your burgeoning career as a swimsuit model. All you can do is make sure it fits, and make sure that your swimsuit is amazing enough to detract attention from any (real or imagined) figure flaws.

I have a very long body, meaning all in one suits go “trampoliney” at the back. I’m also not exactly a fan of running around in public wearing 2 bits of string and a couple of napkins, so I find myself quite drawn to the best of both worlds provided by those high waisted 40s and 50 style costumes.

I have 4 on my wish list, that I’ve listed here in order from “reasonably priced” to “order a size smaller because you won’t be able to afford to eat once you’ve bought it.”

Double Cutie Swim Suit – £40 – Lady K Loves

Cute high waisted and low legged bikini with a tie back bra and ruching on the bust. It comes in plain black as well as candy stripes for the retiring wall flowers among you. I suspect not amazingly supportive on the bust, but it’s not like I was planning to run anywhere.

Red Retro Bikini – £55 – For Luna

This one has skirted bottoms and comes complete with foam cups “for support and definition” and tummy control, for controlling ones tummy, presumably. Apparently works for A-E cups, but is sold by dress size.

Sailor Bikini – £64 – What Katie Did

No one will notice the size of your thighs in this one, they’ll be too busy saying “Wow, look at that amazing swimsuit!”. The top fastens with ties and it has skirted bottoms. Plus it’s nautical chic. Isn’t that in every summer?

Plissee Bikini – € 229 – Mama Maria

I like the style of this, the top looks sturdy and the ruching on the bottoms is nice, but, *gulps* at nearly £200 I really don’t think it’s worth investing in case of fictional hot tub invites.

Can you suggest anywhere for reasonably priced natty retro swimwear?