Hi, Yes, it’s Sunday again. Would you believe that after today there are only 2 of these left in 2020?

I wish I had confidence that 2021 was going to immediately be better, but I don’t. I think that by the end of next year the world in general might be in a better position, but I think the first bit of 2021 might be the worst bit yet.

There’s nothing like positive thinking, hey?

Anyway, today I will be doing nothing, like most of this week, because this week I……

Stayed at Home

Well shit. The Pandemic just got personal.

On Saturday morning I went back to the gym with a client for our first gym session post half-arsed “lockdown”. On Sunday night they started to feel ill, on Monday they had a Covid test and on Tuesday that test came back positive. Tuesday lunchtime I then received the dreaded text from Test & Trace.

I’m going to be honest with you. I did not deal with this in a brave, pragmatic or stoic way.

I have a certain amount of what people now call Health Anxiety, but most of my family would call hypochondria. As an asthmatic I’ve been convinced since the arrival of SARS that one of these new respiratory diseases would kill me, and as such I have dealt with the pandemic so far in a very cautious fashion. I do, however, have to go to work, and although all my sessions maintain distancing and are non contact, there was no avoiding the fact that I’d been indoors for a whole hour with someone who had subsequently tested positive.

Since Tuesday I have not yet developed a cough, loss of taste or smell, or a temperature, which I know for sure as I have taken my temperature a minimum of 3 times a day and/or every time the heating comes on, just in case.

I have, however, worried myself sick. I’ve had a headache, probably caused by clenching my jaw and a tight chest probably caused by anxiety, I’ve generally felt absolutely awful, until I find something to keep me occupied, and then I feel fine again, until I start thinking about it. I felt like Schrodinger’s cat, was I ill or not? Was I busily infecting the rest of my household right now?

Some people advised me to get a test, but there were only two outcomes to that. A negative test would not prove I would not go on to develop symptoms, and I would still have to isolate. A positive test, even though I had no symptoms, would mean that now Mr LLL would also have to isolate, so we would have no one available to walk the dogs and he wouldn’t be able to work (which does not involve contact with others) in his busiest period of the year. Yay.

So I did what I was supposed to do, which was sit at home, and wait, and worry. We slept in separate rooms and upped the cleaning and hand washing.

It is currently day 9, and so far I am fine, but I know full well that that is no guarantee. 1% of people still go on to develop symptoms after 14 days, so to avoid ruining any of my clients Christmas, I will be working online till the New Year.

I am tired, and worried, and wishing I was a lot more brave than I am. I know lots of people have it a lot worse, but I am struggling with this, and I honestly would be happy if I never had to leave the house again till we all had a vaccine.

Got a Surprise Coffee

So my week has been spent sleeping, crying, not wanting to eat and watching Christmas movies.

Not much to report, except for this lovely act of kindness.

On Saturday morning my doorbell rang and I opened it to find a Starbucks bag on my doorstep. Confused I told the driver I hadn’t ordered this. He confirmed my address, correct, and asked if my name was Helen, which it is not.

He then showed me his screen which said in big letters “THIS IS A SURPRISE COFFEE” and he had somehow managed to miss. The Eggnog latte was a gift from my Derby friend, and now client. It made me feel instantly better to know someone was thinking about me. Plus it was bloody delicious.

And that, short and sweet as it is, was my week.

Most of this week looks to be much the same. If they have reduced the time to 10 days then technically I will be free tomorrow night, but as yet I haven’t had this confirmed by the contact tracers, and it seems that I have to wait for confirmation.

I imagine the end of isolation will likely see only a minor reduction in my anxiety as I wait and see.

Sorry for the downbeat rant today, I hope you’ve all had better weeks?