The skies are blue, there are flowers everywhere, you can walk from the car to your house 5 steps away without needing to wrap up in a coat, hat, gloves and boots. Everything is wonderful!
Or is it.
Because too much relentless positivity can sometimes be a bad thing, today my inner Grinch is talking about the absolute worst things about Spring, that no one ever admits to. Lets face it, Spring sucks.
Ah, the sun is shining, it won’t be raining today! Lets pop out to the Post Office in just a lightweight coat!
Because all winter I could convince myself the house was still sort of clean, and then that stupid sunshine started streaming through the windows and now I can see that actually I could write my name in some of the surfaces in my house. Where does it all come from?
Those easy to wear, hard to ladder, trusty black opaques got you through a whole winter, now all of a sudden the sun is out and they feel too heavy, especially when the shops start filling up with pastels. Going without isn’t an option, because, brrr. So it’s time to start the dance of the nude tights. I can never remember what brand I bought last year that was actually leg coloured rather than bright orange, so I have to start the hunt all over again, and then sheer tights ALWAYS ladder. I have black opaques that are so old they remember Cool Britannia, nude tights rarely make it past one wear, I don’t even know why they pretend they’re multi use. I do prefer stockings and a proper suspender belt, I actually find them more comfortable in regular wear, and way harder to ladder, they can’t, however, go under anything even slightly stretchy and form fitting, and they’re uncomfortable to travel in. Grrr.
No, I can’t say I do enjoy having red runny eyes, sneezing and that irritating scratching at the back of my throat. The minute the sun comes out I know it’s coming and soon I’ll be suffering.
What I hate about Women’s Magazines at this time of year is the implication that “OMG! SOON SOMEONE WILL SEE YOUR HIDEOUS FLABBY BODY IN A BIKINI! BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT FOR 2 MONTHS THEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT AND SIT ON THE COUCH TILL NEXT MARCH”. I really do want to eat well and work out, I do, but all year please, not just in a panic for 2 months in case someone sees how “disgusting” my flabby body is. Exercise is for life, not just for Easter. Plus, since we mentioned it, Easter comes with all the chocolate, so now is not a good time to be embarking on an all or nothing lettuce leaf and ice water diet.
Stop. Just Stop.
Even if you don’t make “resolutions” I bet you made some plans after New Year. I bet at some point you thought “This year I’ll…..” and now all of a sudden you realise the year is a quarter of the way through and you still haven’t sorted out your finances/fixed the garden gate/lost 2 stone/signed up for a Marathon. Life is getting away from you so fast. Where does the time go?
Large shops, schools and offices lack the flexibility or human input to allow their heating to be turned off that weekend when it’s 15 degrees and then turned on again when it snows on Monday. That means that for most of March and April you will find yourself alternately sweating like the proverbial pig while the sun beats down outside and the heaters blast out super heated air, or shivering in your stylish yet affordable boots because it’s Easter and the heating is off, despite the fact that there is a foot of snow outside.
No, it’s not warm enough yet for your “spring menu”. I still want my open fire, mulled wine, hot chocolate with whipped cream on it and a big bowl of stew with crusty bread. Salads and Sangria can wait till May.
If I wanted to get up at 5am then I would set an alarm. Just because you’re all perky and spring like doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer. Especially if you’re one of those birds that hasn’t managed to learn its entire song and just squawks the same 3 note refrain over and over. They sit on my chimney and do it so I have to listen to them all day too.
I’m not this Grinchy really, you can’t help but have your spirits raised by the sight of a bit of blue sky, but life is about balance, so what do you hate most about Spring?